Begin at the Beginning

25th April, 2001

I wish everyone would stop staring. I want to run and shout and kick and scream. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I was just trying to be good. I’m trapped, terrified and everyone’s looking at me. Everyone thinks I’m stupid. Nobody understands. I hate them all. No, I don’t hate them, I hate myself.

They’ve been trying to tell me for months, but this is the first time I believe it. Why this doctor out of all of them, I don’t know, perhaps because he frightens me more than the others. He says I’m dying. I am dying. I’m surrounded by great yawning blackness and nothing. Nothing. That’s what I want.

That’s not what I want!

Suddenly it’s crystal clear. I only have two options, and I have to choose now. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.

I decide to get better.

I decide to write a book.

4 responses

  1. This gave me goosebumps Katie! I am so so so overjoyed you made that decision! I love you Cousin and am so so proud of you! Your book looks Amazing! I read the excerpt and it touched my heart so deeply! Big hugs! Leilani

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